can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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