She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize