It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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