Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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