found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
