that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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