He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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