she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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