it hurts more in the daytime
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
