Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
