plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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