saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
