dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
