you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
