im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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