So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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