I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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