My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
