i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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