So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you will always have a special place in my vag
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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