Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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