You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
