I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
