I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
