I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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