8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
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Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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