Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
