Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
