I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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