Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
