Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
