i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
