his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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