dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
