All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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