Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I am spending my child support on dildos
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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