I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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