If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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