My hair reeks of homosexuality.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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