My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
