i just wanna soil my oats bro
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
