I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
