FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so let's talk penis.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
