I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
