Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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