don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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