i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
