if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
