Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
