There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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