I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
