Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
