2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He has the fingertips of a God
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