shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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