sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
