i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
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just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
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You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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