3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Pooping to opera.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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