so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she pinky promised me she was 18
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex