cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
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The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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