I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I will be naked everywhere
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
